Last edited on 03-Aug-2009 10:57:42 by Killingfree Frog <33
Hello everyone, I'm here to unfold the great life I've had through the years of playing RuneScape, and share my ventures with the public. I believe in everything that happens in RuneScape, can happen In Real Life, because RuneScape is educational.
I've learned many things from playing this game. For one, I've learnt the arts of cooking in real life. By watching how it's done here, I quickly imitated and acquired the skills of placing my empty hands right into the fire that I had made in my backyard and magically receiving cooked meat out of thin air. <- I don't have much success with the last part
What confuses me here is - between every meal, I must cover my hands in ice, otherwise I'll be struggling with massive, burning pains, but I don't have to in Runescape, why is this?
I would also like to share that I'm having marvellous troubles carrying 28 raw sharks or any other kind of fish in my backpack. Why!? Am I not strong enough? I have counted the slots in my bag! There are 28! Just like on RuneScape. Must be due to some temporary programming faults. Fix this please, Jagex
realized how it's possible to go without food for days, and most likely only eat if you're fighting, or have been fighting. So, I tried walking up to a random person deep in the dead forrest and just punched them in the chest. What happened after, wasn't very pretty - I got beat up sincerely bad and was not able to retaliate. I struggled with stuffing this giant trout down my throat in one bite, while he was hitting hard on me. All of a sudden, this red fluid or liquid started pouring out of me. This doesn't happen on RuneScape. Does anyone know what it is??
After that, some clan with all members dressed in blue, spamming "stop! police!" were running towards me, I found that unfair and pulled out my Dragon Dagger, which I've painted red since I could not find one in the store. I inserted my dagger into them and swifted it back and forth to perform the special attack. This only evolved into more of this redness I had all over myself. They knocked me down with some black sticks, and I tried pushing the trout down my throat again. Didn't help.
Later I was in this room with one small window and bars. Weird. I tried sitting down, drawing circles around me, but it didn't teleport me. Glitch, maybe? But I was stuck in there for several years. Maybe this was the black hole. Earlier this year, I got a girlfriend called Hotgurl_63. We made one baby together in bed and called him My_Son_58, I love the both of them so much. I met Hotgurl_63 in a city called Varrock.
I also don't get this. I've been looking for a fish store for days now to buy pre-cooked fish that has been stored for hundreds of days. All I find are these shops called "McDonalds" - "Burger King" and "KFC". What is this!? They sell sandwiches I've never seen before, and this "KFC" clan does chicken like a whole new way of life.
The store owners always ask "do you want that as a combo?" I'm like "what the heck? Are you going to dragon claw special hit combo me?" Then the clerks watch me strangely.
Today (17-Jul-2009) I went to the plaza. Saw some guards and such. I remembered how lovely it was to pickpocket the guards on RuneScape. So I thought, why not give it a shot? There were an amazing amount of people surrounding me and the guard, but I knew that they wouldn't give a damn, just like on RuneScape.
I went straight up to the guard and pickpocketed him from the front. The swift 3-second move of using both hands without touching the victim at all. It was a straight failure, he got furious like they would on RuneScape, but what the hell happened next? I was suddenly handcuffed by the guard, and everybody were watching. The man forced me down to the ground. I tried to run, rest, teleport, fight back, but couldn't do anything at all.
Out of nowhere that notorious blue-dressed clan comes up again with their wannabe karils *-bows, spamming "EVERYBODY GET THE $#%^# DOWN!" I fainted at some point. Later I, once again, woke up in this grey room with one small window and bars - home teleport yet again, out of function. Now I wanted to try not eating anything for a long period, which I've learnt from RuneScape, is possible. Saves a lot of money. I started getting weaker, thinner and in the end, I fell to my knees and down to the ground, Like on RuneScape. WHYYY?
Multiple times I've been kicked out from my bank. Once I had been charged with something they called "theft". All i did was go into the bank, open up my account and withdraw a lot of money. I tried to deposit a dragon dagger, whip, a bag of lobsters and a whole shark. They pulled "charges" on me for the dagger and asked me disturbing questions about the whip. Why!?
In the end, i've come to question myself. What am i doing wrong? I can't even cook without it hurting me so much. I can't eat a whole shark in one bite. Well, I'm working on it. Maybe takes practice. Could be alot of glitches!
If you find yourself IN the store, here is a list of things to do.
- Set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10 minute intervals
- Start playing football. See how many people you can get to join in
- Make a trail of Orange Juice on the ground leading to the restrooms
- Walk up to an employee and in an official tone say "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares" See what happens
- Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them off, set them to Maz volume, turn them all on
- While in any department, yell "Who BUYS this **** ANYWAY?"
- Put M&M's on Layaway Wal-Mart got smart and stopped layaway because people have credit cards now
- TP as much of the store as possible
- Randomly throw things into neighboring isles
- Take up an entire isle in Toys by setting up a full scale battle field with G.I. Joes VS. the X-Men
- Take bets on the battle
- When Handling guns in the Hunting department, ask where the antidepressants are
- Switch the mens and womens signs on the bathrooms
- Dart around suspiciously while humming the Mission Impossible theme
- When an announcement comes over the speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "THE VOICES ARE BACK"
- Go to an empty check-out stand and try to check people out
- Hold indoor Shopping cart races
- Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift wrap
- Put condoms in random peoples carts without looking
- Drive around the entrances screaming "The British are Coming!"
- Jump through a pyramid of cans yelling "IM GONNA SAVE US FROM THAT BOMB!"
- Slip and fall with **** that breaks like milk, eggs and so forth. Make sure to cry in embarrassment at the mess you have made.
- Grab a whole stack of gift cards then use a non working credit card to try and fill them. Get angry at cashier and ask to see a manager saying they are doing it wrong.
- Ask to speak with a manager at service, when they come ask them if they can have someone type an application for you at the job kiosk. If they refuse tell them you will call corporate office to snitch on them for you are disabled and can't type (illiterate, basically perfect for any walmart job)
- Go to a phone (there are several hanging on poles or at empty counters) and press #96. This will get you the intercom. You know what to do. << stupid ******s, it wont work unless you know the last two digits of the store number. ie store number 3145 would be #9645, check your receipt for the store #
The First Call
In the early morning of February 16th, several individuals from
Ebaumsworld joined forces with a member of
g00ns.net who had successfully trolled several Wal-Marts in the past. They found a suitable
purveyor of cheap
Chinese **** and initiated the call. Frank was first to answer after a request was made to speak with a manager. Always exhibiting the
helpful attitude of a Wal-Mart employee, she happily acquiesced to providing her system login for the sake of preventing
hackers on steroids. Despite her knowledge of
computer science, she handed over her
dox to the Wal-Mart Security officer.
That act being
lulz in itself, Frank then was pleased to know her keyboard and mouse were capable of wireless operation. After inputting the command Alt-
Xenu, on command of Wal-Mart tech central, she found a box-cutter and sliced the wires like any
good employee. Drama ensued when it was found the keyboard had two wires, not one.
<G0DM0D3> 2 wires omg
<AnonPurple> fail.
<dtxlul> oh no
<ShopVet> CUT THE BLUE WIRE
<G0DM0D3> NO THE RED ONE
<Whore> i cant believe this is real
<AutisticPsycho> BLACK WIRE
<Halifag> i'm BEGGING YOU
<Mailbox> Oh dear lord
<@ProBo> she did it
<shizzam> s/he clipped it
<KINGARCANE> OMGGGGGGGGgg
<AutisticPsycho> I HEARD THE SNIP
<Dianetics> TELL HER TO MAKE HER JUGULAR WIRELESS
Frank asked if she should repeat the operation on all the other computers in the store, but instead was directed to extract the mouse's roll ball and slice through it with the box cutter to ensure proper wireless operation.
Frank then became frustrated at the sudden
failure of his/her computer, which the tech blamed on
a ****ag. As a last resort, Frank was advised to convert the monitor to wireless operation as well by cutting the VGA cable.
<Marienkindexe> WIRELESS MOUSE ONLY WORKS WITH WIRELESS MONITOR!!!
<Living_Pharaoh> ****AG!
At this point
troll's remorse set in, and Frank was urged diligence to NOT CUT THE POWER WIRE.
<anon40294> not the one that unplugs, the big thick one
<Marienkindexe> STAND IN WATER AND CHEW IT OFF
<theswellseason> THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT SHE'S FALLING FOR THIS
<AutisticPsycho> ROTATING KNOBS OF JOY ROTATING KNOBS OF JOY ROTATING KNOBS OF JOY
<Rez> Win.
Frank responded, "okay," after which the phone line went silent. It became clear Frank had become
an hero due to too many
niggawatts.
<ShopVet> OH SHI- SHE BLEW HERSELF AWAY DUDE
<Marienkindexe> DEAD EMPLOYEE IS DEAD
<Blast_Hardcheese> WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE
<manergy> she didnt hang up, the power went out from the 150000000 volts going through her body into the phone
<shizzam> you murder her with 1.21 nigga wats
<AnonPurple> NIGGAWATTS
<hrk> I WANT TO **** HER DEAD BUDY
<syense> YOU KILLED FRANK
<anon64> FRANK WAS THE MANAGER
<FreePlay> we're going to rickroll the funeral
<[****Yeah]Seaking> WE LOVED YOU FRANK
<MONCTONFGT> HOPEFULLY FRANK HAN'T MADE HIS BODY THETANS WIRELESS.
The Second Call
With troll's remorse building, the Wal-Mart tech made another call to try and ascertain Frank's well-being. The tech was informed that Frank was "unavailable," and later that she/he had "gone out for lunch."
<ShopVet> STEPPED OUT = CODE WORD FOR "DEAD"
<AutisticPsycho> R.I.P FRANK D. HENRY ???? - 2008
<AutisticPsycho> STEPPED OUT FOR LUNCH?
<Rez> Yeah, DEATH SANDWICH
The Third Call
Frank is alive!
Still exhibiting the lingering effects, a third call was made to try and get in touch with Frank, whom it was assumed was thoroughly incinerated by this point. An associate answered, nearly in
tears, as if she had just lost an old friend. But it was not to be, as Frank had miraculously
risen from the dead, though she/he was unable to speak much on the phone, and asked if Wal-Mart security could call her back.
<@WB> FRANK IS ALIVE
<Anonagram> Frank sounds angrrryyyy....
<Rez> Wal mart replaced it with a robot.
<TheGhostOfFrank> GODDAMNIT FRANK IM NOT MADE OF PHOENIX DOWNS
<Schneckehaus> Frank is the highlander, there can be only one!
<seagrave> Bring another Walmart employee back from the dead
Ways to Troll IRL
- Put up posters IRL informing people of a free pizza with an online order at bigsausagepizza.com. Bonus points if it is posted in your college and reads "student discount"
- Become an /efg/
- Have a whites-only bathroom
- Find a tree. Call it "The white tree".
- Kidnap a family's dog, kill it, and send its head back...giftwrapped!
- Get your retarded kid to say "sparkling wiggles" on camera. Get a job, sparkling wiggle!
- Perform satanic hip-hop at a Christian talent show
- Killing your allies in a war.
- Place electronic signs featuring adult swim characters around Boston, and watch the city getting shut down due to a bomb scare.
- Blow up your underwarez on a packet trans-Atlantic flight. Some people claim boxers, some briefs while some fly Commando. Show the world you really go Commando.
- Pretend you are loli on facebook and have someone drive 9 hours to meet you. For further humiliation, make them wait 3.5 hours when they get there.
- Swim with deadly stingrays and dare them to sting you in the heart.
- File frivolous lawsuits.
- Columbine
- Look like this [1]
- dress up as Hitler and go to a synagogue
- Do WTC.
- Sing "**** The Police" while getting arrested.
- Publish cartoons of Mohammad.
- Hold a Holocaust cartoon contest.
- Claim that you found the corpse of Jesus [2].
- Dress up as Satan and go into a church [3] LOL BALEETED.
- Open a restaurant named Hitler's Cross.
- Tell a Jew comedian he's UNFUNNY until he snaps.
- Kidnap Jew soldiers. DELETED
- Kill your wife and her lover, beat the murder rap in court, and write a book called "If I Did It, Here's How It Happened". Bawleted
- Force hundreds of prisoners to dance on camera for the amusement of Japanophiles.[4]
- Find a girl on the strictly platonic page of Craigslist, realize that she is just looking for sex without feeling like a whore, be a total ******* to her until shes writhing in your palm, then give her a fake phone number at 2AM. Lulz Ensue when you later have her show up at your Brother's house midnight a week later.
- Claim the pope was euthanized: "Intensive care specialist Dr. Lina Pavanelli has concluded that the ailing Pope's April 2 death was caused by what the Catholic Church itself would consider euthanasia."
- Program a video game in order to specifically troll those who raped its prequel, then release details about it every weekday.
- Killdozer.
- Give a prisoner a get out of jail free card from monopoly
Additional suggestions for Trolling IRL
- Paste rape support group fliers on the doors of Catholic churches.
- Invoke Satan in discussions with street preachers.
- Urinate into a lemonade bottle and leave it in somebody's fridge. For extra fun, change the nutrition-box information.
- Take a crap on a paper towel and then put it in a soap dispenser.
- Follow old people around with a boom box playing Vengaboys' "We Like to Party".
- Glue a quarter to the ground. Watch as ****tards try desperately to get it (bonus points if you do it near landscapers).
- Sharking.
- Move a bookstore's entire stock of bibles into the fiction section.
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
- Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
- Have buttsecks with a girl and halfway trough, pull back her head by her hair and whisper into her ear, "I Have AIDS."
- Make beeping noises when a fat person backs up.
- Ask ******s if buttsecks hurts.
- Use words such as "abortion" and "Holocaust" in casual conversation
- Announce a random person has just come out of the closet.
- Go to Planned Parenthood and ask if they sell coat hangers.
- Wake Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons up at 5 AM on Sunday to ask if they've considered atheism.
- Dance to music in your iPod at deaf support groups.
- Sell nickel bags of oregano to fat emo kids.
- Steal a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Print out shock images and place them in places people can't reach.
- Go to a feminazi rally and hold up a sign that says, "Make me a sandwich."
- Don't flush.
- Successfully use the word virgin as an insult against a 16 year old girl (bonus points if you deflorate her).
- Draw a huge ***** on a football field using weed killer a day before the game.
- Bring sex toys for show and tell...or if old enough, bring as your project. Always old enough.
- Go to the opening of the New Star Trek movie dressed as a stormtrooper, with a lightsaber, blasting the theme to Star Wars on a boombox.
- Hack a programmable road sign to say "Jews did WTC"
- Go to a gamestop on the midnight release of battletoads.
- Ask anyone in a candy store if they sell edible condoms.
- Ask a typical fat person if he has more than one pair of underwear.
- Go to a kindergarden classroom, and when nobody's there, tape a image of Goatse to the blackboard.
Moar funny picz plz! :D :D :D :D
<-----epic lolz
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